Should Kids Have Mobile Phones?

The answer to this question obviously depends on the unique situation of a family. Mobile phones are a useful tool, and there’s really no getting away from them in our modern technological world! However, there are some issues to take into consideration when making the decision on whether to give one to your kids.

Positives

What are some of the reasons for giving kids a mobile phone:

Convenience

If your child is often out at different engagements and otherwise uncontactable, I can imagine giving them a phone would be useful. It would give parents some peace of mind being able to check up on them. I can remember times as a teenager when this would have been helpful, e.g. when waiting to be picked up from a soccer game.

But this does make me wonder a couple of things:

Firstly, is it really good for a child really be out and about on their own too often?

Secondly, wouldn’t they be under the supervision of an adult in most cases, until they’re at least a teenager? In which case the adult would most likely be contactable anyway.

And thirdly, I wonder if the freedom of a phone actually increases the likelihood that a child will end up in unsupervised, unexpected situations.

Emergencies

As a parent it is certainly helpful to know your child can contact you in the event of an emergency. In most cases, presumably another adult would be able to help – e.g. at school or sport. But there would be some occasions when no adult is present and it is necessary for them to call either you or emergency services. An example would be if kids are home alone and there is no landline, and some accident happens.

Social or Educational connection

Sometimes (probably all the time these days) a friend group connects via mobile phones to organise catch ups, or to keep in touch. It can be tough for a kid to be excluded from such a connection, and they have to make an extra effort to know what is going on – or rely on their parents to do this for them. But I can imagine it would be really hard for a kid to feel part of a friend group when everyone else is messaging all the time. Even in the home schooling world this happens. One year there was a Whatsapp group that kids who were training for the literature quiz could join, but which my daughter couldn’t be a part of through not having a phone (I don’t think she suffered at all, but it was just something she couldn’t participate in.)

Satisfy Desire / Stop Pestering

This is probably the worst reason to give your child a phone, but I suspect probably the most common one! “But Mum ALL my friends have one!” Yes, it is hard to be the mean parent who doesn’t give in to your child’s dearest wish. No one said parenting was easy. But remember: they will have many friends but only you (and your spouse/partner) can be the parent. Children don’t know what’s best for them. It is up to you as their parent to decide what’s best for your child, regardless of (what they think is) their own personal happiness.

Negatives

So what are some reasons NOT to give your child a phone..

Bullying

Even a non-smart phone can be used to bully and harass. Having a cell phone doesn’t necessarily mean your child will be bullied, but it would certainly make it easier for that to happen. And if bullying is a problem at school, is it really helpful for a child to have that follow them home and everywhere they go? Home should be a haven, a place where our children are protected from the hazards of the outside world. We as parents need to be the ones putting those boundaries and safety nets in place.

Distraction / Time Wasting

It’s hard enough as adults resisting the temptation to distract ourselves from what’s important with our phones and devices. Why make it difficult for our kids? Sure, train them to have self discipline, but we are the ones ultimately responsible for their development and time management. We need to set them boundaries and part of this means managing what devices they have access to. For the most part, cell phones are a distraction. I’ve heard stories of parents constantly checking up on their kids at school, when in all likelihood their kids would learn a lot better if they were allowed to just focus on the class!

Exposure to Harmful Content

Any phone could potentially pose a danger to a child, since there is nothing to stop a complete stranger from contacting them. But smartphones in particular can give your child access to all manner of illicit material, which I assume most parents would rather their children not be exposed to. Is it worth the risk? In addition, it may put them in contact with people you’d rather not have an influence over them, and can even change the course of their life. Let them be children for as long as possible.

As Christian parents in particular, we must be cautious about who or what is shaping our children. What YouTube channels and influencers do they watch? Who are their social media friends and are they helping them grow in Christ-likeness?

Social Development

We need to remember that social contact via cell phones and computers is not the real world. We need to encourage our children to develop their social skills in the real world, not some fantasy version. Having a cell phone on them all the time could really hinder children’s social development and tempt them to find ‘friendship’ online rather than in the real world. Find other like-minded families that also believe in the importance of real friendships in the real world.. you will be doing your children a favour!

Addictive

Technology is very addictive, for anyone. Consider whether it is in the best interests of your child to be given this highly addictive tool.

Mental Health

It’s no surprise that mental health in New Zealand and in children in particular is suffering. Excessive social media use has been linked to poor mental health, so why would we be surprised that anxiety and other mental health issues are on the rise? As parents we need to protect our children as best we can, and that includes protecting their mental health. Cell phones provide children with easy access to social media, which is quite likely to cause issues.

Physical Health

Any kind of device, if allowed to be used without parental discipline and supervision is going to cause problems. Not least of which is poor physical health due to lack of exercise and sunshine.

Our Choice

So, will we be allowing our kids to have their own mobile phones? Absolutely not!

I’d suggest any parents currently debating this issue make their own list of advantages and disadvantages (with your kids’ help if you think you’re being too biased!) Then honestly weigh up whether the introduction of a phone will be on the whole a good or a harmful move for your kids.

On all my measures, it seems like giving a mobile phone to a child can only be unhelpful at best, and dangerous at worst. We feel that the evidence does NOT suggest that the few associated advantages outweigh the huge potential for harm.

But in consideration of the positive aspects mentioned above, we recently purchased a family ‘dumb’ (non-smart) phone to leave with the kids when we go out, or for them to take with them if necessary. The network is the same as ours, so we can call them for free. There is enough credit on there for them to text or call in an emergency, but as each call/text costs it is not to be used flippantly. Only trusted people have been given this number, and when our kids are going out more we will be monitoring incoming calls and texts!

Regarding social connections – it really helps if your kids’ friends’ families are on the same page. Perhaps talk to other families and see if you can all agree to operate differently. That way, your kids won’t feel like they’re excluded or missing out. Sadly, many parents are naïve and just don’t realise how dangerous the world of social media and cell phones can be, or think their kids are somehow exempt from the temptations and dangers other kids face.

If other parents are unwilling to enforce boundaries, it can be a good opportunity to teach your children that your family does things differently. Talk to them about the importance of developing a strong character, which prioritises doing the right (or best) thing rather than just going along with what everyone else is doing.

In summary

Weigh up whether your children actually need a cell phone. If you have already gone down that track, consider whether it’s something that should be removed. I know this is much harder, but YOU are the parent and you need to have a clear conscience in doing what’s best for your child before God.

If you decide it’s an essential, make do with a non-smart phone. Be creative in finding ways around any disadvantages of not having a smart phone, and be very careful to minimise the risks.

Remember your kids need you to protect them, both from others and also from their own immaturity. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. You are responsible before God for your children’s spiritual development, mental health and physical wellbeing.