Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is a phenomenon we typically associate with childhood and school – particularly high school. It is something which most people, if not everyone experiences. But unfortunately it is not something we leave behind when we grow up or leave school.

The pressure to socialise children a certain way

I was chatting to a mum at the playground a few days ago about daycare and she mentioned her reluctance to place her two year old into preschool or daycare, despite all of her fellow mum friends choosing to do so with their children. She feels under pressure to do the same as what they’re doing, but she just doesn’t feel that it’s the best thing for her child. I admire her courage to choose to do what she believes is best for her child in the face of this peer pressure! I encouraged her to only send her when and if she feels ready.

Society tells us that our children must be ‘socialised’, i.e. they must be forced into a situation where they have to relate with people who don’t know or love them. I wonder whether this is really natural or reasonable for a toddler, or even a young child? (check out “Hold Onto Your Kids” by Gorden Neufeld) Perhaps we are more affected by our surrounding culture than we realise. Surely God has designed children to be nurtured and to learn socialisation within the security and context of close proximity to their parents or family members. I’m pretty sure that it’s a natural response for a young child to be upset at being parted from his or her mother, since mothers raising their children is a part of God’s design for families!

We sent our first two children to preschool at the age of 4, much later than most people, and for just two half-day sessions a week. The fact that we sent them at all was probably due to feeling like it was ‘the done thing’ to be honest. They enjoyed certain aspects but didn’t love it. By the time we got to child number 3 and we had started homeschooling, we realised that she would probably get just as much – if not more – out of being at home with the others. There was no ‘requirement’ to send her at all, only others’ expectations. We could do without the dropping off and picking up, plus the whole ‘socialisation’ aspect was happening naturally within our homeschooling activities anyway (See this post on homeschooling and socialisation). I don’t think she is any less sociable than our elder two, now that she is 8 and they’re 10 and 12, but maybe I’m just not aware of any issues!

The temptation to judge

Another aspect of this kind of peer pressure is the tendency for some who have chosen a certain path to judge others who have chosen differently. Perhaps because we see it as challenging our lifestyle or choices? Some feel the need to convince others to make the same choices so they can continue to feel justified in their own decision.

While we should of course be encouraging others to live their lives in the way God intended, we are free and this means we can freely choose what we believe is best for our families. We should be equally supportive of others who choose differently (within reason) without feeling their choices as a condemnation of our own.

Other pressures

I see this applying to so many areas of life! I have felt the pressure to be a ‘good parent’ by signing my kids up for all kinds of sports or experiences. I have witnessed the huge pressure to be a ‘good (and valued) citizen’ by making certain medical choices, or even to be a ‘good Christian’ by serving in all sorts of ministries. There is pressure to be using our money in certain ways, and pressure faced by many mothers to return to work rather than spend time raising their children.

Dealing with peer pressure

So many of the decisions we make are affected by peer pressure! It’s probably helpful to consider our motivations and carefully weigh our priorities as we make judgements about each of these areas of life. Pray about it, read what God says in his Word, read good Christian books, listen to relevant podcasts, talk to your spouse or a trusted friend – preferably someone older and wiser! Many a time I have been eager to sign myself up for something (probably due to FOMO) and my husband has advised against it. Typically I will later look back and realise he was right, although at the time I couldn’t see it. Surround yourself, at least some of the time, with others who have chosen similar paths so you can encourage one another.

As humans we live in society and will always face these pressures. They are inescapable. As Christians we often find ourselves swimming against the tide of popular opinion! This can be incredibly challenging and uncomfortable. But we don’t have to let peer pressure dictate every move we make.

Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit.

Ephesians 4:14